


I Really Don't Like You

by ToDryHerEyes



Category: South Park
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Eric Cartman Being Eric Cartman, F/M, Flirting, Reader-Insert, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-19
Packaged: 2020-07-08 11:35:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19868980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToDryHerEyes/pseuds/ToDryHerEyes
Summary: Cartman x Female ReaderWedding bells are ringing and it's a joyous day for everyone except Eric Cartman- the best man- and Y/N-the maid of honor- when these two frenemies are forced to share a bogus Best Man and Maid of Honor dance.





	I Really Don't Like You

**Author's Note:**

> I originally published this on March 21st, 2017, but I have republished just for fun. This is a female reader simply due to the fact I wanted to do a best man x maid of honor one-shot. I got the idea for this when a friend of mine(Female) and I acted out an improvised scene in order to help me with writing, so that's another reason for the female POV. Like I said, this is purely published for fun, but if you have any honest thoughts on it, don't hesitate to express them.
> 
> Y/E/C= Your eye color.  
> Y/N= Your name.  
> L/N= Last name.

"I do." These simple words meant the beginning of a new life for my best friend, Tammy, and her new-found husband, Kenny McCormick. She appointed me as her maid of honor, which was every woman's dream position at someone's wedding. Of course, however, this meant the unfortunate requirement to dance with Eric Cartman himself, A.K.A the most deluded, callous, male-chauvinist, and biggest-excuse my language-asshole I'd ever met. When I heard he was chosen as Kenny's best man, all I could concentrate on was having to dance the moronic Best Man & Maid of Honor dance, which Tammy's family had decided to make one of their traditions for reasons unknown. I was aware of it only being a simple, short dance, but even one moment of speaking with him resulted in losing a couple thousand brain cells. 

"And now we will begin the Maid of Honor and Best Man dance. Come up, Y/N L/N and Eric Cartman!" A wave of applause traveled through the hall as I hesitantly made my way towards Eric, who had been waiting patiently for me with an obnoxious smirk, which I had intended to slap off if I wasn't in a crowded room. Tammy sent me a sympathetic gaze, but I turned away rather quickly, attempting to show her I could handle him with ease.

"Let's dance, Kit Kat." He winked and attempted to pull me in by grasping my hand, but I swiftly swiped it away before he could.

"Listen, Fatboy," I leaned in closer to ensure no one else could detect my vindictiveness, "I don't want to be here and I know you don't either. I don't look at you, nor you I. Understood? Or is this in any way unclear in that minuscule, tired brain of yours?"

I must have set him off, as his smile went away in the blink of an eye. "Alright, alright- let's just get this over with, okay?"

"Gee, don't sound too enthusiastic!" I retorted. 

He stared, emotionless, then smirked once again. "Oh, come on, Y/N-" he grabbed a hold of my hand, "You love me."

'Was this guy being serious?' I thought. I released my hand from his grasp. "I do not! I don't even know you..."

He leaned in closer. "Well, we could get to know each other. You know- be friendly."

"No, thanks." I leaned back. "I think you're gross."

His face turned serious, "Hey, we have to dance regardless of what you want. These are our friends, so stop your filibustering and just dance with me!" Before I could respond, he roughly-yet-pleasingly yanked me towards him with his hands tight on my hips, causing me to yelp suddenly.

I blushed a deep red and stared down at my heels, attempting to conceal my shyness. I failed at that, however, knowing damn well he took notice. "Filibustering? I've never heard of that word before- and I know a lot of words."

"Something about stalling, and right now you're really...filibustering to dance."

I shyly looked away. "I don't dance."

"But we have to! My best friend is marrying your best friend. I don't know about you, but I'm not letting my Kenneh down, which I've done too many times before, so we could try and wing our dancing or just dance something simple. Nevertheless, I'm dancing with your beautiful self." He caressed my cheek and whirled me around slowly.

I blushed once more, this time darker than before. He grinned when he noticed my reaction, which showed his front tooth shine. "Like a diamond..."

"Um...excuse me?"

"Um- nothing. Beautiful? Thanks." I smiled warmly and clutched his shoulders to begin the shit-show we know as dancing. "You're right. I need to do this for her. Let's just get this over with." I didn't mean that, though. He appeared more alluring than I had previously assumed: and I was unexpectedly pleased. 

"Great!" I was caught by surprise when he abruptly dipped me salsa-style. "So let's get this party started."

"Alright- but I'm ONLY doing this for Tammy." I preferred not confronting my feelings towards him simply by expressing my false hatred. What could I say? I had strong pride.

"Hey, I was only doing it for Kenny, but I'd like to think I got lucky halfway through." 

"And what do you mean by that?" I gazed suddenly into his eyes as I spoke with a careless tone, while secretly curious.

"I mean, you're not so bad, Kit Kat."

"Well, to my surprise, you aren't too shabby yourself, Eric." For once in my life, I had been feeling charmed- by the least expected person possible.

"So, let's dance, then." He triple-twirled and dipped me once again. He tilted towards my face, causing me to lose my breath, with our lips near-touching. "Wow, you're an amazing dancer," I whispered softly while resting my eyes on his lips.

"Thanks, I've been learning. And you have really lovely Y/E/C eyes." 

"Thank you."

He raised me up and danced slowly to the beat. "You know, you're a pretty cool dancer yourself, Y/N."

I beamed blissfully while looking down with a blush. 'Oh, me and my never-ending blushing,' I reflected. "No, you're SUCH a better dancer than I am. I'm surprised I haven't slipped and fallen on my ass yet!" 'Way to show confidence, Y/N/.'

"But you haven't messed up, have you?"

I decided to play the flirt card for the first time tonight. "Because you're the one that made me well." I wasn't the best at flirting, but what'd you expect?

"I'm flattered." In all honesty, I wanted to stop dancing and kiss him already. It felt like we were...filibustering and that we were playing some test-of-time game- and I wasn't in the mood to play. By the look on his face, I could tell he, too, was growing exceedingly impatient. "Oh, the hell with this." He gripped me by the hand and rushed off the dance floor after giving his leave-taking to the rest of the wedding congregation by saying, "Screw you guys, I'm going home." He carried me in his arms as he took a large champagne bottle and rushed us out the party hall. 

He sat me down on the back of his motorcycle seat and he took a seat in front of me after placing the champagne bottle in the cup holder. "Wait, where are we going?"

He turned his head back to me and placed a chaste but sweet kiss on my lips. "My place."

Flustered, I simply nodded and smiled widely. "Okay." I wrapped my arms around his waist as we sped off to his home. I'd never thought I'd hook up with my worst enemy, but I guess not all things end the way you'd expect them to- and that was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of memories with this one. This wasn't one of my favorites, but if you enjoyed it, then cool. Let me know your thoughts on it if you wish. Good night to all.


End file.
